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Step 224: The Value of Discipline

rene — Thu, 08/12/2010 - 11:00

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Pirate Bay Founder’s Flattr Opens To The Public, Vote For Sites You Visit With Money

rene — Thu, 08/12/2010 - 09:39

Flattr, the micropayment sta

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Apple Pulls Camera+ From The App Store After Its Developers Reveal A Contraband Feature

rene — Thu, 08/12/2010 - 07:07

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Google Begins Rapid Iteration Plan With Chrome 6 Beta Deployment

rene — Wed, 08/11/2010 - 18:00

Last month, Google let people know that the pace at which they deploy bui

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Oracle outlines Solaris 11, says little of OpenSolaris

rene — Wed, 08/11/2010 - 10:13

As Oracle describes a revamped Solaris 11, little light is shed on the future of OpenSolaris and the approaching dissolution of the OpenSolaris Governance Board



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9 Helpful Tips To Deal With Negative People

rene — Mon, 08/09/2010 - 17:30

Do you have any friends or colleagues who are negative? If so, you’ll know they aren’t the most enjoyable people to be around. Negative people can be real downers in any conversation. No matter what you say, they have a way of spinning things in a negative direction. Some negative people can be so negative that it feels draining just being around them.

I’ve dealt with a fair share of negative people in my life. When I was in junior college, I was basically surrounded by a college population of negative students and teachers. My school wasn’t the best of the lot, so most people inside were disgruntled by virtue of being there. While I was initially taken aback by negativity of the people, I eventually learned to manage it and channel it into conscious action.

Today, I deal with negativity on-and-off in my personal development work, especially if there are readers or coaching clients in distress. Rather than be affected by others’ negative energy, I’m now able to consciously deal with it. Here, I’ll share with you 9 tips to deal with negative people in your life:

1) Don’t get into an argument

One of the most important things I learned is not to debate with a negative person. A negative person likely has very staunch views and isn’t going to change that just because of what you said. Whatever you say, he/she can find 10 different reasons to back up his/her viewpoint. The discussion will just swirl into more negativity, and you pull yourself down in the process. You can give constructive comments, and if the person rebutts with no signs of backing down, don’t engage further.

2) Empathize with them

Have you ever been annoyed by something before, then have someone tell you to “relax”? How did you feel? Did you relax as the person suggested or did you feel even more worked up?

From my experience, people who are negative (or upset for that matter) benefit more from an empathetic ear than suggestions/solutions on what he/she should do. By helping them to address their emotions, the solutions will automatically come to them (it’s always been inside them anyway).

3) Lend a helping hand

Some people complain as a way of crying for help. They may not be conscious of it though, so their comments come across as complaints rather than requests. Take the onus to lend a helping hand. Just a simple “Are you okay?” or “Is there anything I can do to help you?” can do wonders.

4) Stick to light topics

Some negative people are triggered by certain topics. Take for example: One of my friends sinks into a self-victimizing mode whenever we talk about his work. No matter what I say (or don’t say), he’ll keep complaining once we talk about work.

Our 1st instinct with negative people should be to help bring them to a more positive place (i.e. steps #2 and #3). But if it’s apparent the person is stuck in his/her negativity, the unhappiness may be too deeply rooted to address in a one-off conversation, or for you to help him/her unravel it. Bring in a new topic to lighten the mood. Simple things like new movies, daily occurrences, common friends, make for light conversation. Keep it to areas the person feels positive towards.

5) Ignore the negative comments

One way to help the negative person “get it” is to ignore the negative comments. If he/she goes into a negative swirl, ignore or give a simple “I see” or “Ok” reply. On the other hand, when he/she is being positive, reply in affirmation and enthusiasm. Do this often and soon he/she will know positivity pays off. He/she will adjust to be more positive accordingly.

6) Praise the person for the positive things

Negative people aren’t just negative to others. They’re also negative to themselves. If you already feel negative around them, imagine how they must feel all the time. What are the things the person is good at? What do you like about the person? Recognize the positive things and praise him/her for it. He/she will be surprised at first and might reject the compliment, but on the inside he/she will feel positive about it. That’s the first seed of positivity you’re planting in him/her and it’ll bloom in the long-term.

7) Hang out in 3’s or more people

Having someone else in the conversation works wonders in easing the load. In a 1-1 communication, all the negativity will be directed towards you. With someone else in the conversation, you don’t have to bear the full brunt of the negativity. This way you can focus more on doing steps #1 (Empathizing) and #2 (Helping the person).

8) Be responsible for your reaction

Whether the person is negative or not, ultimately you’re the one who is perceiving the person is negative. When you recognize that, actually the negativity is the product of your lens. Take responsibility for your perceptions. For every trait, you can interpret it in a positive and a negative manner. Learn to see the goodness of the person than the negative. It may be tough initially, but once you cultivate the skill, it becomes second nature.

9) Reduce contact with them / Avoid them

If all else fails, reduce contact with them or avoid them altogether. If it’s a good friend, let him/her know of the severity of the issue and work it out where possible. It’s not healthy to spend too much time with people who drain you. Your time is precious, so spend it with people who have positive effects on you.

Related posts

Along the lines of developing better people skills and communication skills, be sure to check out the following related articles:

  • 9 Ways To Manage People Who Bother You
  • 9 Strategies To Deal With Difficult People At Work
  • 10 Keys To Become a Better Communicator
  • 5 Simple Ways To Be A Better Listener

How about you?

Are any of the 9 tips useful for you? Do you have any personal experiences on how to deal with negative people? Feel free to share in the comments area.

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Step 221: Entrepreneurs Equally Confident and Vulnerable

rene — Mon, 08/09/2010 - 11:00

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Step 220: Life on Our Own Terms

rene — Sun, 08/08/2010 - 11:00

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Digg To AOL Exodus Claims Biz Dev VP Bob Buch

rene — Sun, 08/08/2010 - 02:42

Former Digg biz dev head Bob Buch will as of Monday take on a new role as

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Step 218: Thinking and Doing Are Two Different Things

rene — Fri, 08/06/2010 - 13:08

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Free E-book –> Minimalist Workday: 50 Strategies for Working Less

rene — Tue, 08/03/2010 - 10:23

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The multi tasking hoax

rene — Sat, 07/31/2010 - 00:15

Multi-tasking is a hoax. In fact it’s one of the worst developments associated with the personal computer revolution.

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12 Reasons Why You’ll Be Happier in a Smaller Home

rene — Fri, 07/30/2010 - 12:55

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Hacker Proves Facebook’s Public Data Is Public

rene — Thu, 07/29/2010 - 00:22

Security specialist Ron Bowes has once again proven how easy it is to glean valuable user informa

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Amazon Reveals New Kindle: $139 For Wi-Fi Version, $189 for 3G

rene — Thu, 07/29/2010 - 00:09

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10 Ways To Shorten Your Gym Session

rene — Wed, 07/28/2010 - 14:37

One of the biggest obstacles to getting to the gym to lift weights is that it takes too much time.

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Requiem for the G1

rene — Tue, 07/27/2010 - 19:35

Today saw T-Mobile finally retiring the venerable G1, forerunner to the ongoing Android revolution.

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Quoth Dvorak: “Go to Craigslist and hire three programmers and an IT guy “

rene — Tue, 07/27/2010 - 18:03

John C. Dvorak rails against the LAPD’s $7 million dollar email deal with Google.

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Pixel, passion, prizes, pictures.

rene — Tue, 07/27/2010 - 12:40

Patrick Jean’s short film Pixel (featured below) isn’t new – it’s been around a few months, bu

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The iPhoneography interview: Robson Santos, AKA iPhoneography London

rene — Mon, 07/26/2010 - 10:30

It's been awhile, but the iPhoneography interview series is back, and to kick this new series off I'd like to introduce you to Robson Santos, AKA iPhoneography London.

Q. Who are you, and where do you come from?

A. My name is Robson Santos, AKA iPhoneography London. I'm originally from Minas Gerais, in the South-East of Brazil.  I arrived in London 7 years ago, initially intending to stay for 1 year to study,  but I fell in love with this place and then I met my partner so now I just go home for holidays and to visit my family.

Q. Is photography a hobby, or does it form part of your day job?

A. Its not part of my day job at all, but it is certainly more than just a hobby. I never had any formal training and am a purely self taught.  Photography has been a main interest of mine for so much of my life, and one of my earliest memories is of playing around with my uncle’s Polaroid. iPhoneography has led to it becoming an over riding passion.  I work for a very busy and vibrant on-line company based in Camden and taking pics is something I always manage to incorporate into my schedule, however manic we are.  I believe the most important thing is to be passionate and involved in what you do, which may sound like a cliché, but if you are doing something you enjoy you will usually achieve the best results and so you enjoy it all the more.

Q. What type of photos do you take, and how would you describe your iPhoneography?

A. Well, the majority of my shots are people on the streets, I love capturing real life and that’s how I started the iPhoneography London project. It is my intention to not be labeled, I really like the freedom to shoot anything that catches my eye and I love playing with and enhancing colours, and manipulating images.  I have developed something of a fetish for using selective colours. I try not to over app my pics, however sometimes it’s too tempting and I can’t resist. I do respect the basics of photography such as lighting, composition and subject.  I know that no app will save a bad photo, but the post production allows me to take my images in any direction and I enjoy the opportunity to put my own spin on things.

Q. How long have you been taking photos with your iPhone?

A. I got my iPhone 3G for my birthday in Jan 2009 and the rather basic low-res camera did little to grab my attention.  However my creative side got the better of me and I started fooling around taking shots, and exploring the apps and experimenting with image. In Oct 2009 through an article in the Metro a daily London newspaper, I found the iPhoneography community which I am really happy to have joined and become a part of.  It pushes me to create the best results and since then I just haven’t stopped.

Q. How many photo's do you think you have taken to-date with your iPhone?

A. Thousands literally.

Q. Why did you choose the iPhone for capturing the things you see around you?

A. I think it’s because of the versatility, the convenience of being able to shoot, edit and share, all while being on the move. It’s light and compact and so discreet. 99.9% of people have no idea they are modeling for you! I think that is the key for a lot of us.

Q. What photo apps do you have on your iPhone, and which apps do you use on a daily/weekly basis?

A. At the moment there are about 60 apps, and out of those I use Photo fx, TiltShift, PhotoStudio, ColorSplash, PictureShow, Photogene, PhotoForge, CameraBag, Perfectly Clear, Lo-Mob and Spica on a daily basis.

Q. Where do you currently show off your iPhoneography?

A. Flickr and Facebook.

Q. What iPhoneographers inspire you, if any?

A. There are lots; the iPhoneography community is creating a very solid bank of amazing talents who are truly embracing the movement. It is a very creative and supportive community. If I really had to name a few that have wowed me with their iPhoneography I guess I would have to mention: Mauro Ballabeni, Sascha2010, James Ferreyros (jaimeography), Jordi V. Pou (kokovoko), Dave Weekes (daveweekes68), SteveJohn (FromMyStudio), Dominique Jost and Gusbano. I love to see the works of others, and share and make comments, but I believe you don’t have to try to be someone else, be yourself and make your own mark in your shots.

Q. If you had to exhibit just one photo that you have taken with your iPhone, what would it be and why?

A. London Calling (the above photo); I was very pleased with the shot anyway and then it was picked by Sion Fullana for his iPhoneographers Superstars Gallery (They have an iPhone... and they sure know how to use it!!!!). It was a real honor to be included amongst so many talented iPhoneographers and for my work to be acknowledged by someone I truly admire.

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Pivoting 101

rene — Mon, 07/19/2010 - 08:51

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A word of advice from my father about being frugal.

rene — Mon, 07/19/2010 - 03:40

My dad has always said: "Never set your living expenses above the unemployment wage."

I always thought this was good advice. He made it through hell and high water in his life, so I figure it must work.

Any thoughts? Other tidbits of frugal advice are welcome.

EDIT: mis-quoted, it was a little unclear. I fixed it.

submitted by Umphreak
[link] [7 comments]

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Fighting the summer productivity blahs

rene — Thu, 07/15/2010 - 11:30

I have the mid-summer blahs. It happens every year, and, even though I know it’s coming, there isn’t much to do to prevent it. It’s something I have to survive instead of avoid.

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App Update: BlurFX

rene — Wed, 07/14/2010 - 19:47

I've not covered this app here on the iPhoneography blog before, but if you are looking for an app that lets you create out of focus photos, then this is one of the best apps currently available in the AppStore.

BlurFX key features include:

  • Simple and easy UI (Userinterface)
  • Everybody can use the Out of Focus Effects.
  • Variety of the Out of Focus Effects.(Gaussian blur, Median blur, Normal blur)
  • Provide gray effects partially
  • Support zoom, with two finger you can change zoom scale and move photo.
  • Provide photo filter.
  • Added color filter. (Hue, Saturation, Lightness and colorize)
  • Support all resolution.(480x480, 640x640, 800x800, 1024x1024, 1200x1200, 1800x1800, Full RES)
  • Saving multiple session.
  • Support facebook, flickr, twitter uploading

In addition to these features BlurFX has just been updated and now includes:

  • Saving multiple session.
  • Uploading image to flickr and facebook.
  • Filters added.
  • UI renewer.
  • Brush size guide line added.

AppStore Link: BlurFX - Price: £0.59/$0.99/€0.79

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The elements of change

rene — Wed, 07/14/2010 - 15:17

‘Without accepting the fact that everything changes, we cannot find perfect composure. But unfortunately, although it is true, it is difficult for us to accept it.

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The Life Changing Nature of Gratitude

rene — Wed, 07/14/2010 - 13:46

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Evernote Essentials: The definitive guide to using Evernote

rene — Tue, 07/13/2010 - 15:42

Brett Kelly, a champion of simple living and a

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9 Expert Tips For Better Writing

rene — Mon, 07/12/2010 - 11:00

One of the things I like best about social media is the way it helps me discover talented writers. They remind me a lot of distance athletes with their deep conversations about seemingly minor details and long periods of time spent practicing alone.

The web also has a downside. There seems to be a growing belief that having mobile access to information negates any need to regularly consume quality writing.

Some writers point to the popularity of the Twilight series and say it’s a sign the general population no longer cares about quality. In my reply I always point to the wise commentary of Juan Williams:

Pandering to base interests is very different from catering to real needs. (Paraphrased from his commentary on the notion that people of color only want to watch MTV.)

It’s possible that you’ll make money by pandering, but there are a lot of people doing the same thing now. Traipse around online for a bit and you’ll find thousands of desperate writers trying to predict the next fetish in hopes of fame and fortune. It’s sad to watch them trying so hard because in the end they’ll have nothing to be truly proud of. I want to write things for which my only explanation for writing is not, “I needed the money.”

Do you? If so, you may find some portion of the following useful. I’ve gathered some of my favorite quotes from brilliant, prolific, and plain crazy writers and share them here with some tips I’ve found incredibly helpful in my own journey as a yearning writer. I hope you enjoy!

1. Write to make a point, not a target word count

Vigorous writing is concise. ~William Strunk Jr.

Nothing makes me grimace quite like hearing somebody say they’ve reached 50,000 words and so have completed their first novel. Remember dully typing toward a minimum word count for an academic paper you had no interest in writing? If you start to get the feeling about something you’re writing, it’s probably time to stop writing and do some more research (or bribe your editor/professor/mother into accepting the shorter piece of work).

2. Help another edit their writing

I try to leave out the parts that people skip. ~Elmore Leonard

I have a short, round-bellied friend who turned me on to this quote. That said, I’ve found that helping another writer edit their work often leaves me with more insight into my own writing than I gave to the other writer! If you can find a trusted friend to trade nascent work with, you will have found a wealth of improvement.

3. Write something every day that you do not intend to share

Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart. ~William Wordsworth

I have a private blog I update daily with rants, outlines, fears, and bits of nothing that stream out of me when I’m struggling to find focus for another piece of writing. You’ll never see it. There’s no value in my sharing it because the moment I know others can see it is the moment I no longer write just for me. I suggest you give this method a try. It doesn’t have to be a blog.  A notebook would work just fine.

4. Outline before drafting & Don’t confuse fiction with dishonest writing

If any man wish to write in a clear style, let him be first clear in his thoughts; and if any would write in a noble style, let him first possess a noble soul. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I am still learning to to do the first part. I’ve taken great value from sharing outlines of my intended work with friends who are very logical and excel at criticizing arguments without muddling thoughts. The last part… is something I can only hope for. If I someday hear a reader say, “his writing is imbued with kindness” I think that will do.

5. Don’t get caught up in restating the obvious

The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say. ~Anaïs Nin

As one who writes a lot for the web, I am continually tempted by the low-hanging fruit of trending topics and morning news drivel. Restating the obvious is easy, fun, and very retweetable. But the obvious rarely seems to translate into any sort of real legacy. If I only had a list of all the things my readers already know collectively, it would be so simple to stay fresh!

6. Befriend a dictionary

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug. ~Mark Twain

Imbue, conjure, nefarious… are just a few of the words I have as friends to help me clearly make a point, share an idea, or call something into question. There’s a joy in having the perfect words at one’s disposal that only a dedicated writer can appreciate. A thesaurus can be useful if you’re bored, lazy, or drunk. Nothing trumps having a word come to mind just as you need its help.

7. Keep a little notebook for moments of inspiration

Write down the thoughts of the moment. Those that come unsought for are commonly the most valuable. ~Francis Bacon

I use a moleskine to store my thoughts for later. Having thoughts and personal commentary all in one place has the added benefit of serving as a source of inspiration for later times of drought. Think of it as you would catching raindrops in a canteen. You’ll be glad for the moisture some day.

8. Not having a pen in your hand doesn’t mean you’re not writing

The best time for planning a book is while you’re doing the dishes. ~Agatha Christie

If you walked into my office at random, there’s a very good chance you’d find me sipping a glass of tea while staring off into space. Am I doing nothing? Not in the least. Contrary to my mother’s early suspicions, I’m not addled. I just like to silently try phrases out in my mind before writing them down. Agatha had a point about dishes, too. There’s no such thing as writer’s block. But there are times when washing dishes is a better use of time than staring at an empty screen!

9. Be kind to yourself

Every writer I know has trouble writing. ~Joseph Heller

I hope you are kind to yourself and forgiving when you cannot find the perfect phrase or paint a story just so! Writing, for me, seems a monumental task at times and I am always delighted to find others who understand my situation and reach out to help. There’s a joy in knowing that no matter how lonely a stretch of path may seem we are never entirely alone, no? We always have our writing and with it an entire community of people who care.

If you’re a writer, and you are one even if you simply compose witty text messages, I hope you’ll say hello.

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Coburg, Melbourne #iphoneography

rene — Mon, 07/12/2010 - 08:29



Coburg, Melbourne #iphoneography

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Media Exponential

rene — Mon, 07/12/2010 - 01:27

The speed at which media consumption has grown is mind boggling.

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